kcii

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 02:53:58 GMT

Food makes me sick. Everytime I think about it, I feel rotten, everytime I eat I feel guilty. I want to be thin.

The weight of my mistakes means everything I touch breaks, I don't wanna see you as the next in line

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 05:18:41 GMT

Lately My mind is running wild. I haven't been sleeping well. I never sleep well, but lately I'm living on caffeine.

My diet is driving me nuts, I'm so weak and depressed. But I'll get used to it, I guess I am used to having so much sugar in my diet. Nothing will ever taste as good as skinny feels. :) Yeah, thats what I'm sticking too lol.....

I've been walking and working out, which is kind of hard, seeing as its like fucking 40 degrees here every day. Disgusting weather lol.

I'm having a busy week, I'm glad. I hope it will get my mind off things. Monday I'm taking Lily to daycare and signing her up... :( Wahh scared! And its my sisters formal, so I'll be with her on the day. Chloe is coming over on Tuesday I'm sure? Wednesday I think Amelia is coming over. Thursday Pools. I'll go shopping on Friday. Saturday baby shower, and Sunday going to see Jess, Matt, Stella and bubba Talan. <3 If that don't keep me occupied, then I'm crazy. ha.

Anyway. I feel too sick to sit here anymore. The end.

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 12:41:39 GMT

I picked you out
Of a crowd and talked to you
Said I liked your shoes
You said thanks can I follow you?
So it's up the stairs
And out of view
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name you asked the time
Now it's two o'clock,
the club is closed we're up the block
Your hands on me
I'm pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth
Trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know
Who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck
Where's the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet me here but I'm not sure
I got the money if you got the time
You said it feels good I said I'll give it a try
Then my mind went dark
We both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers
They just play tragic
And the phone's ringing
And the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching
Let's just keep keep singing
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
Where's the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seems to slip my mind
But you but you
You write such pretty words
But life's no story book
Love's an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt
"Do you like to hurt?"
"I do! I do!"
"Then hurt me."

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 14:46:03 GMT

sYeh, lkike everythign is fuckogn shit and im sick of it!!!!!!!!

i want to rip out my brain.

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 08:19:45 GMT

Successfully OD'ing on Caffeine/Energy Drinks.

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 04:55:16 GMT

Fuck my Life to hell, seriously. I'm over EVERYTHING! I can't fucking take this shit anymore, From now I'm single, I'm doing whatever I want, when I want, whoever I want, when I want, no more feeling like shit, no more crying myself to sleep, no more wondering what girl he is with, no more PAIN, just good times.

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 15:14:53 GMT

I'm going to throw up. I am under so much stress... :'(

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 09:45:25 GMT

Lameee friday night. =[ Everyone is out drinking, and planning tomorrow night out, and I'm at home NOT drinking........ lol! I suck!!!!!!!! This is so hard!!!!!! I can't believe how hard it is to give up the booze. :( This is only going to be temporary, I can tell.. haha...

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 07:12:27 GMT

So! I've decided 100% that I am going to get another Aibo. :) A very different type of Aibo this time........... This is my Ari:

This is the Type I want next:

I'm very excited. :) Of course it probably won't be that colour, it'll probably be black or silver. I really want an orange one...... Ah well. :) Beggar's can't be choosers haha, They are so expensive..... But the 210 is a little less hard on the wallet... so let the saving begin.

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 13:18:39 GMT

I love alcohol. becoz it solve s all lifes prolmebs :)

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 05:32:49 GMT

He isn't coming, Always lets me down, I'm going to go cry and get shit faced. Whats the point anymore???

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 03:14:05 GMT

My brother is not going to come tonight. I'm an idiot for ever believing he would.

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 07:03:05 GMT

I feel sad. I had really bad luck yesterday, everything kept going wrong, and I feel like its Karma for the way I'm feeling. I know its wrong. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do anymore. Things are getting harder every day, not easier. I feel lonely alot. Even when I'm with Matt I feel like I'm alone. That's not very good. :(

Arhm anyway. I saw Harry Potter the other night. I REALLY enjoyed it. :) Very good movie. I guess you just have to pretend like you've never read the book, which was easy for me because I only read it once when it first came out, so it was a little Hazy to me lol. :)

I battled crowds today in Target, to laybuy some toys for Lily. Didn't save much, but I like that I can slowly pay it off, right up until Xmas eve, thats the best thing about it. :)

Anyway nothing much else to say except that I feel weird! So I'll be going.

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:32:31 GMT

Lets get married!

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 07:21:59 GMT

Hellloo.
I'm feeling quite down at the moment. I feel like something is missing. I don't know what it is, but its a big hole. I can't even explain it. :( Ughh. Its becoming so overwhelming. I just want to scream.

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 13:24:03 GMT

So anyway.

My bubba is 2. TWO!!!! I can't believe it.

Do you know what else I still can't believe? Michael Jackson. How tragic. Watched his memorial tonight, and just cried my eyes out. I'm so emotional at the moment. But yeah. Still very sad.

I feel so weird these last couple of days. I can't explain it. Its driving me insanee. I want to rip my brain out. The things I think about are so stupid. I hate it.

I'm cold. I need warm hugs. And a blanket. If someone could bring me both, That would be rad. Thanks! :D

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 01:14:05 GMT

I feel like I'm at the beginning of a very complicated mess. So I should just quit while I'm ahead. Shouldn't I? Could be fun.

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:30:28 GMT

I make myself laugh. :) Some guy added me from GOD KNOWS WHERE on MSN. Clearly he doesn't speak good english LMAO. I kept asking him how he got my msn but he wouldn't tell me, so now Im just messing with him, here in the convo LMAO it makes me crackkkk up! :)

Kc says:
Why is there a child in your photo?
hassan says:
I loved the innocent children
Kc says:
What does that mean
hassan says:
where your photo
Kc says:
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN U LOVE INNOCENT CHILDREN???????????/
hassan says:
I love innocence......that mean
Kc says:
you mean your a phedophile
hassan says:
These are
Kc says:
IM REPORTING YOU TO THE POLICE
WHERE DID YOU FIND THE NAME LILY?!?!?!?1
hassan says:
The side of your image
Kc says
no my imagde does not say LILY
hassan says:
so...what say....
Kc says:
TAKE THAT PHOTO OF THE CHILD DOWN NOW
I AM CALLING POLICE
hassan says:
Writer....my lily
Kc says:
excuse me?!
hassan says:
I do not understand what happened
what you want
Kc says:
i want you to go to jail
hassan says:
you want to go to jail
Kc says:
no i want YOU TO GO TO JAIL
YOU IN JAIL
hassan says:
f
why?a
Kc says:
you are a sick man
you like chlidren
hassan says:
Xu Shi worked error
Kc says:
I told the police your email and they are tracing you
hassan says:
im in jordan
Kc says:
Yes i know, they are tracing you
and they will arrest you
hassan says:
Aztec Aodek, Bay forever
Kc says:
what is this
hassan says:
Ahab, I practice sex with you, but no
Bay
Kc says:
WHAT DOES BAY MEAN
WHAT DOES AZTEC AODEK MEAN
hassan says:
Goodbye
Kc says:
THE POLICE ARE COMING FOR YOU
hassan says:
ok
Kc says:
you will be put in jail
DISGUSTING
CHILDREN ARE INNOCENT
NOT FOR YOU
hassan says:
I'm ready
Kc says:
for WHAT
you are to be naked
hassan says:
I do not want to speak with you because you are a girl a complex
Kc says:
Oh, I see, you like Men?
You are gay?
hassan says:
I want girls
Kc says:
How old girls you want
hassan says:
Of 17 and above
why you ask
Kc says:
I HOPE SO
hassan says:
hopewhat?a
Kc says:
i hope you only want girl of 17 and above
not 17 and under
hassan says:
no
Is disgusting
under 17
Kc says:
good boy
hassan says:
ilove u
Kc says:
I love you too baby
hassan says:
I want to see you
Please
Kc says:
Ok you want phtoo?
hassan says:
yes
Because I am impressed by your words you

yes i want your phtoo

hassan just sent you a nudge.

hassan just sent you a nudge.

hassan says:
Please

*sends photo*

You stopped sharing photos

hassan says:
Amazing

hassan just sent you a nudge.

Kc says:

I am to sleep now

You have just sent a nudge.

hassan says:
me to
Your beautiful

Kc says:
You too
hassan says:
where you live?
Kc says:
in Australia, you come here?
hassan says:
no i cant
Kc says:
But I love you
hassan says:
you come to jordan
Kc says:
ok
hassan says:
how
Kc says:
I will fly
hassan says:
i see you
Kc says:
I will be with you
hassan says:
ok when
Kc says:
As soon as I can get the money
hassan says:
ok
but
you
Do not know exactly where I live

in aqapa
thes city in jordan
Kc says:
I will get your address when I can get the money and you can meet me at airport?
hassan says:
ok
How come must

to my city
Kc says:
I will find a way my love
I must go to sleep now, we will talk in the morning <3 I love you

This is a LEGIT convo with some random who added me LMAO :)

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 08:49:34 GMT

Hey everyone. Just a quick update.

Lily has been rotten today/tonight ughh. She is sick, so her bad behaviour is tenfold. I just cant handle much more of this!!

I have Lily Allen tomorrow night, should be good. Its been a fkn drama to get it all sorted about a babysitter, my sister was meant to, but decided she couldn't be bothered walking to mine, how horrible, just catch a bus then! But nup. So now Matts mom is apparently going to be at my unit, while IM NOT, and Lily is asleep, for 2 hours. Alone. Not happy. Matt just went ahead and said it was fine without even asking me, and now I can't really say no because she will get offended and think that I don't trust her or something. I just don't feel comfortable with someone being in my place while I'm not. I still feel weird if Matt is alone in my house while I'm not. But anyway yeh. So I'm just not impressed about it. But cant do anything about that now. Ehhh.

Lily's Birthday is in about 4 weeks. I can NOT believe she will be 2. She is getting a lot of small-ish things for her bdays. A lot of clothes, becoz she is desperate for winter outfits. A little singing tea set. A cleaning set because she loves to sweep everything lol. a HEAP of books. That she will rip in a second. :| And I have a laybuy on still of a clippo table thing, coz she loves those blocks. And some Dora and a Horse thing, she doesn't really know Dora, but she LOVES horses so I think she will like it. And umm.. A microphone haha and a lil plate and bowl set. Its a lot when I write it all down like that, but they are all small things so I don't feel like I've gotten her a lot. :( But she'll live haha.

Thats really all I have to write about for now. =]

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 08:27:48 GMT

Hello everyone.
I'm back at the rents for the day. I walked here this morning, it was a great walk, only took 45 mins?! I thought it would take like 2 hours lmao. :| But yeah, apart from walking on a main road, it was a good walk. I need to get the Internet on at home! Its so boring there.
Yesterday Lily and I walked to the park, and then walked to the grocery store. Took up a couple of hours. Then came home, had some lunch, put her down for a sleep, and sat in the dark for a little while :| I didn't even have TV yesterday, but Chloe & Percy came round, and brought me an Ariel cord haha.. So now I do! The thing thats bugging me most is the no lounge!! Arghhh. Stupid Fantastic, they take there time! They said 4-6 weeks, and its been longer then that. And also fkn Harvey Norman!!! Mom brought me a microwave 2 weeks ago and they said it would take 3 days to come in. Clearly it didnt. Then they said it would be in today. Its not. Stupid fucking IDIOTS! They drive me insane! When mom brought the microwave she made it extremly clear that she needed the microwave asap, and they lied through their teeth >:( People are so stupid, can't rely on anyone to do ANYTHING!
I also need the cott, Lily is sleeping in her little sofa bed thing, and its annoying.. AND her highchair. Whatevz.
I haven't slept well either because the garage door is right underneath my room, so when it opens its the loudest sound EVER and wakes me up. And people come and go at all stupid hours of the morning, 3am, 4am, 5am arghhh its mental! So I pretty much just fell asleep within minutes when I got here, and got half an hour sleep then Sarah came in the door, slamming everything and being really loud and irritating. And then the neighbours were screaming and laughing and revving their cars outside my window, so I didn't sleep. Who would think its more quiet in a block of units, then a house? Its double bricked so its great with keeping out sounds from the other units. When you go into the hallway everyone has music on really loud pumping through the walls and everything, Im glad I cant hear it from inside my unit.
Anyway enough blah Im gonna go. Im STARRRVVVIINNGG argh. I wanted steak for dinner, but nope, just Burritos. Boring. I want STEAK! :(

Sun, 31 May 2009 06:25:54 GMT

Today I brought PINK curtains. :) Yes James, Pink! :)

Wed, 27 May 2009 14:06:26 GMT

Hi everyone!
Just loaded some pictures of the progress of my unit! It looks shitttt at the moment lol but its getting there!
Here is the kitchen:
(pink dishes in the sink lol!)
As you can see there was no fridge when this photo was taken, I'll take another when everything is in the kitchen :) There is a fridge now, but no microwave yet, its coming on friday! And here is the view from when u walk into the kitchen, laundry at the end:

And then the bathroom: (not finished yet! i dunno what else to do to liven it up, gonna put smoe candles up the back where the bath is and maybe a wall scone above the bath =])

The blue blinds will eventually be covered with pink curtains im hoping :) lol

and this is of my bedroom, which looks pretty crap in these pics :P there is foam all over the floor, dont mind that! its from the stupid boxes that all the furniture came in, it will be vacuumed up! im going to get a nice pink rug in there, and im also going to get pink curtains, duhh :) and leigh is letting me paint feature walls in all the room, so guess what colour? hahaha there is a mattress in there now, and some sheets on there which brings some colour into the room, but yeah pics of that soon
(that is a queen bed to give you an idea of the size of the room, not too bad me thinks lol i've never had a big room so i loveee it)
(this is the wardrobe and tall boy that together prob took 10 hours to friggen make lol :|)

But yeah, those are a few days old, so I'll take some more photos of the progress this weekend :) It should come along good lol

Massive long Angry vent.

Thu, 14 May 2009 14:16:07 GMT

Little down tonight. As usual.......

Really really nervous about moving out. I am slowly getting my things together now. Still need stuff like sheets, quilt & Quilt cover which will probably set me back about $300 lol. Or possibly more..... I need a microwave.. heaps of little things. but have a lot of the major things. Good good, its coming together, but geeze im so effin nervous........ Its going to be great, but just not looking forward to having no money. :( I usually bank $400 a fortnight (save it) or sometimes spoil Lily and myself (er... more often then sometimes lol) but now it will be going to rent, and I'll never see that money again.. thats the SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTIEST part of all lol. Oh well welcome to the real world I guess. I would prefer to buy a house and pay off a mortgage, then at least have something to show for it in the end. :( Thats the way I've always wanted to do it. But anyway. This is good, I really do need to get out of this house, Im sick of my dad always commenting on my "BAD PARENTING SKILLZ" Ughhh. Ridiculous. Today I changed Lily's nappy, and I left her PJ pants off and put her in the lounge room and went to get her an outfit to wear today, walked out of my room like 30 seconds later with clothes and my dad is holding her like "Are you going to just let her walk around without pants, its freezing, put some clothes on her for god sake" I yelled YES DAD, I AM GOING TO LET MY DAUGHTER WALK AROUND WITHOUT ANY FKN CLOTHES ON, Dumb cunt. I'm sick of it, constant stupid comments like that. or "Why don't you have any socks on her feet?!!?!" When really I am always putting them on her, but she takes them off 5 minutes later. Bit like me in that sense, my feet are like ice but I hate things on them lol. But yeah, I m just sick of the stupid useless comments to try to make me feel inadequate. I am a good mom, and I know it, Its just hard to think so when your own fuckin father is constantly putting you down. And he wonders why I get the shits at him when he feeds Lily CAKE JUST BEFORE BED?!?! She is a PYSCHO child, and any sort of food like that will make her mental, and I tell him time and time again, but he doesn't give a fuck. And yet, I'M The bad one? Because I'm responsible?? I don't want her eating crap before she goes to bed? I don't know, I just can't win with him no matter what I do. I'm ALWAYs getting in trouble for nothing, it will be SOOO good to get away from that, and do things whenever I want.

And how fucking pathetic , on the subject of my father because I REALLY need to vent, he just has it set in his head that I'm a lazy slob, even though I am ALWAYS cleaning. My room isn't tidy, its the only thing thats not, because its tiny, and I seriously NEVER go in there unless i'm sleeping or getting dressed, I hate being in my room, I clean it once a week on the weekend what Matt had Lily, because its the only time I get to go in there. It isn't a PIGSTYLE but its untidy. At the moment its bad though lol, because I have so much junk stuffed in there for moving out, its all just piled up because I have no where to put it lol. But yeah, he just has it in his head that I'm just so effin lazy, The other day I set up the dinner table, we all sat down ate and then after everyone was done, and mom and dad were still sitting at the table, I was putting everything away, putting the dishes in the sink rinsing them off ready to be washed soon, putting the salt, pepper, sauces etc back away, just cleaning the whole table, while they just stare, and then Dad says I can't wait to see your house, it will be an absolute disgrace, shit everywhere, your so lazy you never clean up after yourself. Even though I was at the time cleaning up after myself, and everyone else who had just left the table and left their dirty plates n cups and knife and forks there. And he is going on and on and fucking on and I said ok then dad, if thats what you really believe I'll do a bet with you. You can turn up to my house anytime, unannounced, and I will bet you $5000 that my house will be clean. He agreed to it, because he really seriously thinks I am such a dirty person. WTF seriously. I do the dishes every single day without fail, I am always putting shit away that other people leave out, always taking the rubbish out EVERY SINGLE DAY AT LEAST TWICE A DAY, no one else does it, I am always washing clothes, hanging them out, bringing them in and folding them up and putting them away, constantly cleaning after my little tornado lily, if I see something on the floor I pick it up or sweep it up, I clean the bathroom and the bath every few days, yeah you get the fuckin idea, I'm always doing something. It will be so fucking FUNNY when I leave the house will be a fkn mess and they will be like wow.. She really did do her fair share didn't she. But yeah, back to my dad, ARGHH I fucking hate him. When he was sick in hospital, I was SOO fucking worried, that I didn't sleep at all, I was stressed and crying all the time, just so sick from worry, and within an hour of him being home he tells me I have ruined my life, and made stupid mistakes, and stuffed it up for myself and for Lily??!!! Like WTF I wanted to fucking punch him in the face, so I went off my head at him, and he is like OH aren't you just so nice, I come out of hospital, I dont have much time left, and you speak to me like shit. So I said just because you come out of hospital doesn't mean you can sit there and tell me how you think I've ruined my life, I fucking cared about you, called u and visited you at the hospital, was crying and stressed out, your OTHER fucking daughter didnt see you, ask about you, didn't give a fucking RATS ASS about you, and you even admitted yourself that wow KC really does care. He even made the joke "Guess I've been hating the wrong daughter all this time" Then laughed, but clearly there was truth to that. And he just shook his head at me, as if I was in the wrong. I rang my mom up crying, and she had a go at Dad for it, saying it was obvious how much I cared, and how worried I was, and he had no right to say that to me, etc. I was so angry I was saying to mom why hell should I care, this is how I get treated, he is home for an hour and already he is being an absolute prick to me. I absolutely HATE myself, and there is no wonder, the way he speaks to me, and the shit he says to me. I always think I'm a failure, obviously because of the way he constantly drills it into my fucking head that I am. I cop his fucking bullshit every SINGLE day. My daughter is an absolute little bitch because of the way he is, and when I punish her for doing something naughty she runs straight to him, and he hugs her and says "Aww mummy is yukky don't worry" And makes me out to be the bad person, and so Lily doesn't learn wrong from right, she just learns that mummy is horrible and smacks her for no reason. EVERY SINGLE TIME he does that. And I honestly believe that is the reason she is how she is, I love her to death, but she drives me up the fucking wall, I often feel like bashing my head onto a brick wall, And let me tell you , i've done it before. She just drives me insane, its horrible the way she can be sometimes, and she is like it because of him, because he is already rewarding the bad behaviour. Mom has all these scratches under her eye because Lily just randomly ran up to her and dug her nails in and grabbed mom's eye really tight, and I yelled at her and smacked her, and she does this thing where she drops her bottom lip, For attention of course, and dad felt sorry for her so he hugged her instantly. So then what did she do? She bit into him and left a bruise. And he yelled at her, lip drops again, and he says oh Poppy cant yell at you, and hugs and kisses her and laughs. And im like NO YOU CAN NOT DO THAT, she drops her lip because she wants attention, she wants you to feel sorry for her, I don't feel sorry for her at all she is getting in trouble because she is doing something wrong. Now she is constantly biting and pinching and hitting people, and pulling hair, and I effin hate it. I wont even be able to take her to daycare, because she wont be able to play with other kids, because she will think its normal to be so violent. Although I have to give her credit, that when she is with Stella she is really gentle, and gives her heaps of kisses and cuddles, and she never hits her or throws anything at her, like she does with the adults.

But yeah. Anyway. Obviously I really need to get away from my family. Even though my mom pisses me off a lot with her constant nagging, and sometimes she can be a total fucking BITCH for no reason because of her menopause, and when I say bitch, she is fuckin nasty, and just abuses you for no fuckin reason. But yeah mostly she is good, she does a lot for me, she is always helping me out, buying me heaps of things to move out with, she is buying my lounge!!! I told her not too , but she would just NOT accept no for an answer. She has already told me I have to come home at least 2 nights a week so I can have dinner here, and she is saying she will get me a bag of groceries every week, and she has brought me a cloths basket, and filled it with groceries, all things you forget you need because your so used to just having them, and then you get there and your like oh CRAP lol, like big spray, cleaning products, soaps, dish washing clothes, all those useful things, everything you could possibly think of, right down to pain killers, and cotton buds lol. She is soo good and always supportive. Where as what has my dad done for me since he knew I was moving out? Told me I'm a failure, and I am wasting my life, and will never have enough money for a house now, and this is it for me, I'm goign to be stuck in a tiny unit, has offered no good support or anything, just been a total prick about the whole thing, and put me down about it. And he expects me to do favours for him every single day, he is ALWAYS asking me to do this, do that, ALWAYS ALWAYS and I never EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ask for a favour. Once when I got my aibo in September last year, I needed to go to dick smith, which is only a 5 minute drive mind you, so that I could get a special adapter so I could charge him. So I asked dad, I mean I did just spend 3 fucking grand on the thing, I had waited 2 months for it to arrive, I wanted to use it! I didnt want to wait 5 days until the weekend, and mom could take me. So yeah, I asked him, and he went offffff his fucking head about it, abused me saying all this shit like I always expect him to do favours for me and yada yada when I literally never ever ask him for a thing, because its always the same bullshit I have to put up with. In the end he end up taking me, and making ME pay for the fucking petrol, 5 minutes down the road to get this fucking plug. Wasn't even worth the trouble. My mom gave me the money back, and had a go at him, because he has no problem driving sarah to tafe every mondy which is around 45 minutes, and taking her to guitar lessons every Wednesday. And I asked him for one little thing, and he chucks this massive spit about it?
Then this YEAR, in March I asked him if he could drive me to the post office and back, which is again a 5 minute drive. And he again went off at me, and didn't even speak to me, and chucked up such a stink about it, even though he was STILL Driving me sister 2 places a week, to tafe and BACK which is 45 minutes EACH way, and he couldn't drive me 5 minutes up the fucking road to the post office. My mom end up saying she would come home EARLY from work so that she could get me there?!!!!!!!!1 She would of had to leave work like 4 hours early to get home by 4:30 before the post office shut, when he could do it in 5 minutes, and miss out on 10 minutes of foxtel. HOW HORRIBLEEEEEEEEEEEEE FOR HIM!!!!!!!!!! My friend end up offering to take me because of all the drama that was being caused over a stupid lift to the post office, and my dad didn't talk to me for about 2 weeks, just ignored me and pretended like I didn't exist (He does that pretty often mind you) All because I had asked him for a favour!!!!!!! MOm again went off at him, but he didn't give a fuck. He just wont lift a finger to help me, at all. And mom was willing to come home from work so early, and miss out on heaps of work just to drive me 5 minutes up the road. I wouldn't of let her do that just to take me to the post office, but that fact that she was willing too was more then enough.

Thats like 2 VERY small things, in 6 months, and he couldn't do it. And I STILL do everything he asks me to do AHHH it will be so fucking BRILLIANT when I move out. I just wont have to put up with any of this fucking shit. Though I shouldn't say that, because I probably will, he will probably still come over and just criticize EVERYTHING I do. Anyway My hands are realllyyy sore from typing, this has been a huge vent, but I feel better having got it all off my chest. Doubt anyone got down this far, but if you did, congrats lmaoo <3 You must be bored.

So yeppp, im off, bu byez
Xx

Wed, 06 May 2009 13:27:55 GMT

y0.

Feeling down tonight, about lots really. My weight is on my mind at the moment, I feel effin revolting, im too scared to weigh myself. At least when I move out I'll be walking a lot more and eating a lot less junk (Hopefully......) So..... I'm kinda depending on that to get skinny again. =[ Been a long time since I've been skinny. *SiGh*

Another thing thats on my mind; moving out. Leigh pushed the date forward a week, he wants me in on the 18th. I said I'm not moving in until he changes the locks... So yeah I'm just freaking out big time, I have a huge list of stuff I still need to get, and no money to get anything. My furniture (bed, lounge, wardrobe etc) is going to cost me $2000 or round abouts..... I still need to get things like Microwave, Washing Machine, Fridge.. the big expensive things. :( I have a bar fridge which I'm making do of for the time being, and mom said I can walk to hers to do my washing (Good, exercise, and i'll have no CHOICE to do it!) So thats fine, but yeah.. I have a lot of stuff to get still. I'm worried about how I'll cope being alone all the time.. I dunno I was SO excited about it, but the closer it gets the more unprepared I feel. I don't even think I'll get my lounge right away, Fantastic says it takes up to 6 weeks to get a lounge, and I only ordered mine like.. a week or so ago, because I wasn't even sure if I was moving in, and I didn't know any measurements, and what I could fit in, so as soon as I got to check it out and measure I ordered it, but yeah, would be nice if I had more time.

Anyway I'll stop winging about that. Meh. I dunno. Just feel so fkn shit, I know its not much to complain about, but I just feel shit in general I should feel happy shouldnt i? I'll finally be out of this fucked up place! Everyone here will realise how much I actually do when I'm gone! I'm always fkn cleaning, and get no credit for it, I hate it. Anyway. There I go with the winging again. Is that all I fkn do? Hmm.

Blahhhh well I guess I'll go to bed hm. Didn't get much sleep last night because I scratched my eye for like 30 seconds, and it got horrible and swollen in a minute and was soo effin painful, then the other one followed, I actually feel asleep holding an ice pack to my eyes.. :S Weird.

Anyway meh goodnight.

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 04:29:41 GMT

Howdy!

My costume party was on the weekend. I'll write about that.

Been planning it for about 2 months now, looking VERY forward to it. $400 later... YEP. $400!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone showed that was supposed to which was a change! Usually you get the last minute drop outs, but nah everyone came. However, about 10 people left at 11pm to go to other parties, and that was about 5 minutes after I started cooking all of the food. So not entirely impressed, I spent a LOT of money on it, and it didn't get eaten, all went to waste. And I didn't get very drunk.. how? I only had 5 Pulse's which.. isn't much. But then I had about 10-15 shots! Of just random shit, like tequila, sambuca, baileys, malibu, etc!! And I was drunk ish, but not really drunk! HMM shame.

I still had a good time and took a billion photos. I will post the best ones soon, but they are on facebook anyway. :)

Majority of people dressed up too, but of course most of the guys didn't. Costume were: Me, A goth fairy ;). Devil, Angel, Escaped convict, Ladybeetle, School Girl, bunny, A gangster, A car girl, 2 vampires lol, A serial killer with a hockey mask lmao scary.. A pirate!.. what else.. I think thats all hey? Most of the guys didn't dress up. Oh, a nurse, and one of the guys came as a pair of tits.. hmm. lmao. I think thats all.. Good costumes. I really want another costume party, I loved dressing up. :)

If I do have another I wont invite as many people. Just my closest friends.

Anyway the night could of been a lot better, but was still good fun. :)